He wants them to be invited—I think it’s a waste of time especially since in the last two years they had not been good friends to us.
We were slower at getting financially stable out of college compared to their successes. We were excluded because we chose to not do things (vacations, parties..etc) based on finances. One day they finally stopped inviting us because we always said we couldn’t afford it-which was true. We always explained that we just couldn’t do certain things with them because we were trying to save for a home, and get out of credit card and student loan debt. Now that we are doing great–it’s like they are dumbfounded and can’t believe we are even getting married. Now this is hear ’say’ from another friend but at a recent get together the two girls said “i bet thier wedding won’t even be a good time because they probably couldn’t afford to have a nice one”. It may be an exxagerated comment since I didn’t hear it myself, but knowing how I know these women–it’s likely truth in it.
Anyways. I don’t think they need to be at our wedding. He doesn’t talk to the guys (their husbands) anymore but still feels they should be invited. Me and the girls had drama over the drifting a part crap. We’re going on 26….and i really don’t have time or want to deal with drama.
Wedding planning is enough drama. How can I convince my fiance that they really should not be welcome at this special event?
And on another note–why take the drifting a part so seriously ladies??? I expected as people get married, have kids you don’t see friends as often. It’s nice to get together on some weekends and catch up, but other things become priorities and I just don’t get why people take it so over the top…..
Thanks for the great advice! after reading some of your post I realize that it’s better to work at convincing him they should not be there (his mom is on my side with this 
). I know I will be busy that day but just the fact of having them there will be a damper because it will bring up memories of the negativity they had shown towards us and likely still do….
#1 by Diana G on May 1, 2009 - 12:52 am
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Look at it this way. Is this worth making an issue over with your fiancee? At the very least , they won’t come if invited and at the most you get a present. You should be getting a nice one as they are so ’successful’ You really will be busy on your wedding day and will hardly have time to chat more than say hello.
#2 by Elicia on May 3, 2009 - 6:33 pm
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Holy moly, you don’t need to ever invite someone just because you feel obligated to. Weddings are for FRIENDS AND FAMILY to get together and celebrate your marriage and have a good time!
So, ask your fiance the following questions:
1) Can you really consider them good friends?
2) Are they supportive of your marriage?
3) Will you enjoy their presence at your wedding?
4) Will everyone else enjoy their presence at your wedding?
I have a feeling the answers are no. Maybe that will be enough to convince him. If he wants to invite them because he’s afraid they’ll get all snarly about them not being invited, well there’s another clue about how good of friends they are!
#3 by Nicole Lynn on May 4, 2009 - 11:23 pm
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I say don’t invite them. My guideline when I was making my list was “Will I miss them if they aren’t there?” And if the answer was no, I crossed them off!
Or do it and show them what your responsible spending has earned you, a beautiful wedding!
#4 by 4sixerGal on May 6, 2009 - 5:28 pm
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I really agree with you, and besides that is your day and your fiance why complicate it with jealous drama queens I say don;t invite them. Tell your fiance all they are qonna do is ruin your day. Good luck and congratulations
#5 by dash on May 8, 2009 - 1:01 pm
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Just focus on your family and your closest friends. If you guys drifted apart and they didn’t come back to you, it was never a good friendship. If they were REAL friends, they would have understood the situation and still kept in touch with you guys.
#6 by Jessica M on May 11, 2009 - 3:26 am
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I had that very same situation. Well, currently do. Like you, I decided that my “old college” friends who we never speak to anymore don’t need to be invited.
Here are my thoughts:
If the couples are thinking the same thing as you about drifting apart and what-not they are not likely to want to come anyway. They wouldn’t want to invest the time to come, purchase an acceptable gift, or pretend to be best buds with you when you know they are being big fakes.
Here are my fiance’s thoughts:
It is just as much my wedding as yours. If I think we need to invite someone, I want to invite them.
Final thoughts:
Despite your fiscal situation, just remember that only about 75-80% of people you invite will actually attend. The “far off” friends are even less likely to come than you may think. Invite them (out of respect to your fiance) and hope they don’t come. This is the lest of your battles you will have during the planning process as I’m sure you know, so let him have this small feat.
#7 by Juice on May 14, 2009 - 3:43 am
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Ugh! We had crazy issues like this too when we started putting together a list. There’s always one or two “iffy” couples you just can’t see eye to eye on.
Here’s what worked for my fiance and I. We figured out the number we could afford to invite (for us it was just 50). Then we split the list down the middle. He got 25, I got 25. I could invite ANY 25 people I wanted. He could invite ANY 25 people he wanted. No more, no less. No questions asked and no arguments.
By the time we got down to the few “iffy” couples we were arguing about neither of us were willing to give up two of our precious 25 spots to make room for them.
If your groom is willing to make room on his list for those snobs (sorry… reading your post made me mad) then you may have to stomach them being there & hearing their criticism. Otherwise, no worries.